Dear heart, why him?

Nothings worse, is to see them two together, knowing I will never have him again. I wish I could tell you how much I care but all I can do is sit & stare, I dont know how to explain this pain its driving me crazy. I really think theres a reason that I like him so much like something telling me not to let him go every time I follow my heart... It leads me to him I mean... What other explanation is there. Why is it that he is all I can think about? Why is it that no matter how upset I am... I see him and I can't help but smile? Why is it that when he smile at me... I get that feeling in my stomach? Why I let him hurt me so much why does my heart beat faster when I see you come my way? When I know you hurt me, and yet your smile kills me every day? Does my heart beat from pain, and even when he'd broken my heart, and hurt me as much as anyone could ever hurt me...  When he lied to me... And i hated him...  Why then did I still feel those same feelings? Answer me that, and then I'll tell you. Is that your love for me is true hoping and dreaming and waiting for the time when you will say, 'I love you and you will then be mine