Why do I need to pretend

Sometimes you scared to let go of someone, because you can't imagine him being with someone else, its sounds selfish but this how our minds work. Wht the point of looking for someone new when you know he everything to you. You know wht I wnt? What I really wnt is to wake up and tell myself "Hey im ok I be alright" being in love is wht make me smile, who I'm in love with tht does, I know exactly how tht is to love somebody who doesn't deserve its because they are all u hve & any attention is better than no attention. You make me sick I want you and I'm hating it, one smile frm him make me 5 AM wake up, cold shower, nothing to wear, no hairspray left & there she goes again with her head in the clouds, because to him reality is a stranger. Why do I love someone who doesn't love me in return? Why do I cry over someone who didn't hurt me? Why do I always think about him, if he never thought about me? Why do I always wait for him, if he never waited for me? Why do I see him, but he doesn't see me? And I'm not going to stress over you anymore it isn't worth it. I'm not trying to say I dont want u because love I definitely do, all im saying is I'm done chasing after you 

I care and i miss you

I do not blame you for hating me, this is a mistake and I know that. What hppn, someone did it for me? I'm sorry for always wanting to be alone, he didn't change me I change on my own and I don't know why my heart feel so cold as stone even I act like I dnt care at all I always feel guilty deep inside. You gone away I'm left alone a part of me is gone, I wish I could have told you the things I keep inside but now I guess its just to late so many things remind me of you, I'm sorry I messed up. I love you I didn't expect you to love me back just dont hate me. 

Everytime I do something its always wrong its always my fault, everytime that someones hurt or feeling down its all my fault, everytime I try to help I'm always wrong its always my fault, everytime I say something its always wrong its always my fault, everytime that they get mad cause I'm around its always my fault, I feel like I'm not good enough. It seems like, everything I do, everything I say it feels like, everything I need just fades away I try so hard to make things right. 

Behind my smile is everything you'll never understand.

I dont know what I want right now, all I know is that I'm hurting so much inside that its eating me and one day there wont be any more of me left. Eveythng that ever cause a tear to trickle down my cheeks, I run away and hide from it but now evrythng is unwinding and finding its way back towards me, and I dont know what to do, I just know that the pain I felt so long ago, its hurting.. I'm not saying I have nothing I'm not saying I'm gone completely its just sometimes its all a bit too much to handle. Sometimes I feel like it's too much. I'm not going to do anything stupid because I know it will get better, it has to right? Otherwise there wouldn't be anyone who would live past their teenage years. But for now, just for now, it hurts

Hi

I don't like to share my emotions to others, I keep them to myself, maybe I'm anti-social activities such as writing or listening music but it might be so deeper then sadness maybe I feel like I'm at a point in my life where I'm just feel lost, unable to figure out what the next step is I'm could be reaching out to people who are just to oblivious to understand what I need'